The Key to Happiness

I love who I am right now. Or rather, I love who I am – in general, and you know what? I am happy.

Happiness has been a controversial emotion throughout my life. What is happiness? I attempted to define happiness in order to achieve it. I attempted to wipe out all emotion, to avoid its opposite. But life isn’t about avoiding. You can run from your parents, you can run from your friends, you can run from any form of outside authority, but the one entity you can’t run from is yourself.

The latter part of the above paragraph is a cliché. The kind of thing you see on Facebook. The common quotes you see graffitied on city walls and plastered on the back of the many cars populating an already overpopulated world. The kind of so-called rubbish found on the bumper stickers of your ‘average everyday normal guy’ (Jon Lajoie. Check out the song!). Think about it though. What is a cliché? A cliché has been defined as a ‘trite or obvious remark’ (Princeton). When people hear clichés, they immediately switch off, allowing the remark to go in one ear and out the other. It wasn’t until now that I realised how stupid that is. Clichés may be obvious, they may be overused, but that in no way hinders their legitimacy.

All my life I’ve been influenced by what this person thought, and what that person thought. I sought to discover the justifications behind their opinions of me and mold myself according to their criteria. That, however, has reached its conclusion. Most people wallow in the grey area of being swayed by external influences, but you know my extremities and I, I could never wallow in the grey area of anything. The all or nothing person I am leaped from being invisibly puppeted by society, to not puppeteering society, but ignoring society and puppeteering myself. Finally I’ve come to terms with the fact that truly to change the world one must start with themselves. All that ‘starting with the man in the mirror’ bs does have some validity to it. Set an example and others will follow. No one follows hypocrites of their own will.

Happiness truly resides in coming to terms with oneself.

I've Noticed

The people who become obsessive or incredibly passionate about a certain matter are those who are looking to fill a void in their lives. An emptiness left by a lack of appreciation, a void caused by a lack of love, the search for approval or the search to fulfill an incomprehensible missing something in their lives, something they just can’t put a finger on. The latter ‘something’ entails to a rather specific group of people. A group of people I’ve chosen to call the ‘wanderers.’ These ‘wanderers’ tend to be emotionally unstable and mentally inconsistent. Of course people must move on, in regards to life, thus improving and making positive progress. However these ‘wanderers’ move on in a different sense of the phrase. They tend to forget the past, ignore the present and inch towards a mirage in their future. When visualizing these people, I see a dog running in circles behind its own tail. Constantly searching, looking for answers, answers to unanswerable questions. Answers to questions that can only be answered if one believes in a higher power, something to justify all the unfathomable phenomena occurring around us. Back to the point. These wanderers and others who are searching for the cement to fill the hole in their lives are often left high and dry with nothing to satisfy them. Therefore they accept whatever happens to be the most available and fulfilling at the time, latch on and don’t let go. They become bloodsucking infatuated parasites. This host of theirs temporarily fills the gap and during their period of infatuation they defend their host with tooth and nail. This defensive nature does not stem from a faith in their host’s qualities or anything of the sort, but from a profound debt they feel towards the entity that has brought a temporary sense of fulfillment in their lives.
This type of relationship is absolutely unhealthy. Just because you’re empty, just because you feel like your heart is nothing but a never-ending abyss of sorrow and rejection, turning to something, or someone to make you whole is not a realistic solution. Are you truly so insecure in yourself that you feel the need to let yourself go in the arms of an unfamiliar entity which you allow to consume and dictate your being?
I am from a Catholic background, slightly agnostic and definitely open minded. I’m not one of those Christians who believe that if you’ve heard the word of God yet decided to follow a different path you’re immediately banished to hell. Psh. In that case it’s better to remain uneducated. However if you think about it, for the latter part of that statement to be true, one must believe the first part, as that statement itself (I have been told) is a (Pentecostal) Christian doctrine. If one were not Christian, that statement would not apply therefore you would not go to hell. So remember peeps, if you’re a Christian who doesn’t follow the word of God, remember to convert out of Christianity to save your soul from eternal torture. Sigh. I’m sorry if I offended anybody, that thought has been really consuming my mind the last few days. Back to the point, again.
You do not need to surrender yourself to an unknown entity just to feel fulfillment within yourself! Sure, that’s one way, I’m not scorning upon it. All I’m saying is there are other POSITIVE alternatives. In life you always have a choice. You just need to have trust and belief in yourself. You need to face the reality, understand your obstacles and embrace the qualities you are able to use to overcome the obstacles (No quality is entirely positive or entirely negative. Every quality depends on the circumstance in which it’s used). Embrace your inner strength. There may be a higher power, there may be not (I for one, believe in a higher power, this entire post is purely ‘just saying’), but either way, don’t leave it up to someone you can’t even see (atheist point of view). God, if you do believe in him, will want you to help yourself, God is love and love is pure and love is true. Your life up to a certain point, is in your hands. The rest is up to fate, luck or God. Whichever you wish to call it.

16.09.10

I’m swallowed in an engulfment of thought, yet thought of no substance. Thought of a nothingness, a nothingness so deep it seems to border something. However undeniably, it still is nothing. It’s like feeling so cold, you’re starting to burn. Fire – ice, elements that contradict and complement. Analysis, analysis, someone give me a conclusion! Andy Warhol once said, “I’m deeply superficial” Does that describe how I feel at the moment? I’m listening to Roads again. Roads always has a meaning. Unfortunately, due to its abstraction, its meaning too is usually undecipherable to one in the midst of the conflict. I just need a moment to step out and look back on everything; eliminate all external and superficial influence. I need a moment to order my thoughts. Am I doing the right thing? Maybe I should stay away. I don’t want to rush into anything, or ruin anything. Then again, is there anything there to ruin in the first place? Am I making assumptions? Forcing myself to feel? What the fuck am I doing? Honestly.

22.09.10

Last night sent chills through me. It’s a crazy feeling really. I’m upset and disappointed though - at myself. I froze up so many times. Why are my emotions so overwhelming? They engulf me and consume my entire life. No wonder I want a life consuming job to keep me completely occupied and productive. I’ve always been scared of emotional attachment - with valid reason, and my last emotional attachment definitely did not help my cause with its constant mental trauma. It just locked me up in a little cage, hidden behind a facade of intoxicants, concealed under a thick veil of misconceptions, waiting in bitter apprehension for someone to find me. I’ve been located as such, but as I sat there miserably awaiting my liberation, I lost the key to my cage. Now I’m sitting in this sadistic little cage, unable to free myself and unknowing of how anyone else could possibly save me. The point of this little metaphorical rant being, why can’t I open up? It’s not like I ‘won’t.’ I mean I’ve tried, I just can’t. I can’t let go of myself. That is why I don’t like dancing. I’m always scrutinizing my every move and criticizing my every action. I don’t trust myself in my own hands anymore. For once, I need to let someone else take complete control. I need someone else to cut through the cage with shards of diamond. But who? This is where my other significant issue arises; a complete and absolute lack of trust in pretty much every aspect of the world. The world is a shitty place, I know this isn’t entirely true, but it’s what I’ve been indoctrinated to believe. The people who imbedded this notion into me only wanted the best for me; it was a form of self-preservation. However, a while ago it passed all boundaries of self-preservation and entered the region of internal and external self-destruction – my home as of now. A growing physical, sexual and emotional insecurity seems to be incinerating my soul, diminishing it into its inevitable nonexistence. My lack of trust, as mentioned before, prevents me from opening up emotionally, physically and after the last attachment, sexually – an issue I thought would never arise. Therefore I’m pretty much starting from square one. My past relationships never happened; I’ve lost all experience gained with them, ironically maintaining only the damage they did to me. Honestly, whoever you are. Take me away from myself or who I’ve become. I can’t linger like this any longer.

hellyeahrandomthoughts

Personally, I believe that life is the ultimate form of entertainment (until death). We are given this life to explore and discover. I believe that drugs are a perfect medium for this, ie. acid. We as human beings are the most intellectual species on this earth (even th ough we don’t act accordingly) and by using these tools (not abusing) we can gain knowledge and wisdom, and also find our inner self. That’s just a little of my insight, don’t know if it makes any sense to you guys. - HighHaze
Fuck yeah. I completely agree. Life is just a form of entertainment. It’s given to us to explore without limitations. I’m referring to this in a subconscious, unconscious and conscious sense of the word explore. Fuck what’s morally correct. As long as you don’t physically harm anybody else, you’re fine. Getting high or falling down the rabbit hole is merely another method of self discovery. When you’re high you see and notice things you don’t in your usual state of mind. Sure, you can develop your senses to meet this standard in a conscious manner - but why can’t you do the same without undergoing this process? Lewis Caroll was on a trip while he wrote Alice In Wonderland, a literary masterpiece. The things he discussed may have been a little ‘out there’, but what’s wrong with ‘out there’? I’m sick of the traditional and the conservative. The good little broadway girl acting in her plays saving sex for after marriage and following the rules of products of the 70’s. This is a new fucking generation. Progress. Times change. Paradigms shifts occur. It’s all about adaptation. Think outside the box. Education, too, must progress. The age of memorization, knowledge and regurgitation is nearing its end. Understanding, concepts and critical analysis are the doorway to a real future. Knowledge undeniably is the foundation of understanding, however knowledge is easy to acquire. Simple. A piece of fucking cake. Understanding on the other hand requires the ability to connect and relate. If I were to start a school, the subject I’d place the most emphasis on would be epistemology. Sure we know how, we know where, we know when and we know what - but do we know why? Are we able to analyse with objectivity? Are we mentally exposed to the negatives and the positives of every situation? True intelligence comes with the ability to objectively make a choice based on subjectivity. Are we living in a fucking censored society, our mental state blinded by authoritarian figures, the fate of our global population in the hands of ignorant motherfuckers?
I’m not pro-drugs or anti-drugs. I don’t believe in a right or wrong. I’m just firmly against living in an enclosed environment with the inability to control our own actions. You don’t do drugs? Why? Because it’s bad for you? Of course it is. So is everything in excess! How about in moderation? It’s still bad? How do you know that? Where is your proof? Your best friend told you not to? Why? Because he had a friend who got hooked on E and when he was off committed suicide with the lack of serotonin within his body? Didn’t you fucking hear me say MODERATION? Learn to draw the line.
I’m firmly against this for the benefit of the narrow minded people I have had the misfortune of associating with and in general, the fate of the human race. I’m thankful that never in my life have my true logical thoughts been subdued or indoctrinated due to external forces. I want you, the reader, to go and define the word ‘indoctrination’. Right now. Indoctrination isn’t going to hit you in the face. It’ll slowly slither up your fingertips, linger in your ears and slime its way into your mind. Similarly to peer pressure. No one’s going to tell you, “I want you to think like this. This is the way you are supposed to think.” No. Like Hitler during the holocaust, indoctrination will be the environment you have grown up in. The thoughts you have been trained to think, the feelings and notions you associate yourself with. Even in the quest to belong, the quest to classify yourself within a group of people, you are in a position of indoctrination. Do not believe what other people tell you, unless you have used your five senses or intuition to justify their teachings. The method you use to justify what you have been told is of no significance, as long as you do. It’s all about you. It all starts with you. You need to give yourself a reason to believe.
I second the anarchist theory, ‘whatever man has the might to do, he has the right to do’ with minor adjustment. This adjustment being; without inflicting harm upon external entities.
TO BE CONTINUED.

The Creature I've Become

Capricious creature. You waste your existence wallowing in inhumane apathy. Your corrosive indifference seems a poison to whoever faces the misfortune of crossing paths with your ember. How I abhor your destructive interference in what I used to call my life; recently referred to more accurately as my ‘state of existence’. I’d command you to ignominy, although it is not my place to dictate your fate. I, as your puppet, must obey your commands. I trudge along in mental monotony, forming censored psychological manifestations, allowing you to control my being. However, you are me, and I am you. We are one, yet I detest you. Therefore, should I not, detest me too?

Yes, I’m referring to myself. My ‘inner demons.’ Passive inaction too, is a crime. Often, one’s greatest struggle is with oneself - directly and/or indirectly. You are the only person you can truly change. So begin with yourself and your environment will fall into place.

Musical Expression

“You know I’ve got this theory, there are two kinds of people in the world. There are lyric people and music people. You know, the lyrics people tend to be analytical. You know, all about the meaning of the song. They’re the ones you see with the CD insert out like 5 minutes after buying it, pouring over the lyrics, interpreting the hell out of everything. Um, then there’s the music people, like Brooke. Who could care less for the lyrics as long as its just got like a good beat and you could dance to it. I don’t know, sometimes it might be easier to be a music girl and not a lyric girl. But since I’m not, let me just say this. Sometimes things find you when you need them to find you, I believe that. And for me it’s usually song lyrics.” - Peyton Sawyer
 
Above is clear evidence of a failed attempt to be deep. Does she not realise that music too speaks its own language? The structure of the music, the beat, the melody, the dynamics, the tempo all speak words of emotion, musical words. As stated in a previous post of mine, music is what feelings sound like. The content of a song does not lie merely within its lyrics. This coming from a verbal linguistic person. A person who tends to feel the need to express and analyse all in a linguistic manner. Music too can be interpreted in a diversity of ways, similarly to words. What means something to a certain person, means a completely different thing to someone else, hence promoting misunderstandings. However as one may have realised, misunderstandings are a common side effect of freedom of speech as one shuns the simplicities of dictatorship and indoctrination. Freedom of speech is a complex concept. A concept that many feel should be a right, as opposed to a privilege. However, with power comes responsibility and with the power to express whatever one wishes, maturity is fundamental.

All Around Me: Flyleaf

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe.

Because beauty doesn't last forever.

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again.
Once again.

'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.
This is not about emotion,
I don't need a reason not to care what you say,
Or what happened in the end.
This is my interpretation,
And it don't make sense.

We be awesome.

[28.03.2010
01.04.2010
30.05.2010
24.06.2010]

Nightmares.

Written on the 18th of January, 2010. Much has changed since.

Our dreams, believed to be structured, figurative or literal symbolic representations of our subconscious mind are unexplainable phenomena frequently appearing in the human mind. Dreams are open to interpretation hence making their nature vivid, abstract and unclear. I however, rarely have dreams of positivity. My nights are clouded with nightmare after nightmare, loss after loss and ripping emotion after emotion. My dreams or rather nightmares trap me within the barriers of my own mind, creating a prison escapable only through waking up.

The three main concepts addressed by each and every nightmare are:

loneliness,

failure  

rejection. 

Lost in the prison,
of thought.
My mind longing to quench
its thirst to kill.
Kill the demons, 
born of my own consciousness.
Eradicate the isolation.
Overpower the failure
Rise above the rejection.
Eliminate the pain.

My nightmares of loneliness are often combined with an exhilarating sense of adventure. There is often a definite goal which I must achieve in order to wake up. However, this nightmare of sorts may transform into a dream after I have accomplished the assigned goal. I’ve crossed the border; the border that indicates the line between the familiar and the unknown, the safe and the precarious, the heartwarming and the cold. I’m in unfamiliar territory, alone within the slight protection of my own fragile skin. My heart and mind, the only dependable assets I may use to get me through this new world of isolation I have been thrust into. I am alone and I must return – yet I do not know how. My dreams of loneliness habitually take place within a parallel universe, this parallel universe often includes characters classified as fantastical or mystical; fairies, the transformers, the Men in Black or even dinosaurs.

My nightmares of failure, the dreams which trap my mind from every corner, have absolutely no escape while within the dream. The door of my prison cell has been locked and the key has been discarded. I am lost in a world of negativity with no hope of return. Nightmares of failure may only be prevented, as there is no cure.

My nightmares of rejection are regarded, even within my dreams, with my typical fake nonchalance and pride. I overlook the issue in denial and risk my happiness for the sake of my pride.

These nightmares are the cause and effect of the sudden paradigm shift that took place within my mind. My constantly developing outlook on life has been influenced by and produced these recurring nightmares. The development of the content within these nightmares and the increasing and decreasing depictions of fear and dread are based on the strength of my feelings, weight of my guilt and significance of my fear.

Statuism in a nutshell.

"I am not what you think I am.
I am not what I think I am.
I am what I think you think I am."

The quote above is pretty much my personal project in a nutshell. Food for thought.

I just want this to end.

I've been downloading countless numbers of Owl City songs today. A clear representation of my current mood; soft, sad and mellow. Not a mood I'm allowed to feel though.. Just like the rules set for me addressing my happiness: not allowed that either. I tell those I spend time with how surprised and happy I am regarding a current happening in my life, it's called being big headed. No, it's just being proud of yourself, thrilled that your self-esteem issues aren't really valid. However, obviously those who have caused you your self-esteem issues are going to  get angry when you seem to have overcome them.

I want a new start, a new beginning, new people. I don't want people who bring up things that happened in 6th Grade, never allowing me to move on. I find it pathetic that those who bring up such long forgotten events, become touchy when I bring up events from months ago. Well guess what, karma's a bitch. You can put on a fake smile, but God sees you and you won't get away with what you do.

Once again, I want a new start, a new beginning, new people. People who understand me and accept me for who I am. Those who don't kiss ass, loyal friends. I'm told that I'm too picky with people and my standards are too high. All I ask for is individuality, is that too much of a quality to ask for? Are the people in my environment really so deprived of this basic quality? Pathetic, beyond pathetic.

Superficiality. I'm pointing at YOU.

People ask me, 'why must you analyze everything?' Well in return, I ask them, 'why must you be so superficial?'

I find it quite pathetic how those I am surrounded by (no, I am not classifying the entire human race as one merely those who I am surrounded by) have the tendency to overlook the most crucial characteristics of being humane; depth. Time and time again, I fail to understand how people I know can so willingly go along with a friendship, without anything substantial to sustain it. This is why I am picky about those I befriend, I have standards. Hah. I have a criteria you must meet, I'm not going to pick up any old mongrel off the street because they're 'nice'. Hasn't your mother ever told you not to use 'nice' as an adjective? It's a FAIL word. I've also been asked why I seem to think that people always have ulterior motives.  Well you know fucking what. Most people do. And the one's you don't suspect, are often the culprits. Heard the saying, 'good girls are bad girls that don't get caught?' Cliche as it is, it's true. Everyone has a goal in mind, something to achieve through every simple action and movement they make. Every little thing means something. Sometimes people make friends because personalities just click, naturally attract, sometimes the reasons go beyond this simple concept. Befriend the nerd? To copy off them and get good grades. No chica/o, this sudden new addition to your life doesn't love you for who you are. What the fuck are you thinking? On the positive side, this COULD BE the case. However, taking into account the minority of people I've chosen to address, this isn't. Reality check guys. Use your fucking brains. Befriend the girl all the guys like? Well duh, they want to get through to the guys. Befriend the bitch? They want an empire. Once again, I'm sure I need to repeat, that this is NOT a generalization. It is incredibly specific.

It's funny how it's always the same people. Time and time again.

The Lucifer Effect

As the evil within the human race grows, so does our definition of the word 'evil'. The more 'evil' we become, the harder it is to be labeled as such.

How do psychologists understand the transformation of Human Character - evil to good, or good to evil?
Study by Philip Zimbardo

Evil can influence us in three ways.

DISPOSITIONAL: Inside of Individuals The Bad Apple

SITUATIONAL: External The Bad Barrel

SYSTEMATIC: Broad influences, the system, political, economical, legal power The Bad Barrel-Makers


7 Social Processes That Grease the Slippery Slope of Evil
- Mindlessly taking the first small step
- Dehumanization of others
- De-individuation of self (anonymity)
- Diffusion of personality responsibility
- Blind obedience to authority
- Uncritical conformity to group norms
- Passive tolerance of evil through inaction or inderrence


The Evil of Passive Inaction
To watch an individual being destroyed, torn apart, physically or mentally is as bad as committing the crime itself. One’s need for self-preservation often outweighs one’s conscience. This is the crime humanity is most guilty of, known as passive inaction, ‘staying out of it’. They follow the rule, “Don’t get involved and mind your own business!” Their response should be, “HUMANITY is my business!” These individuals do not realize that individually preserving themselves and none other than themselves could cause the destruction of society as a whole. Collaboration is the key to progress.

You know you're an ENTP when..

1. You can out debate someone who has the right answer, knowingly using the wrong answer, and win.

2. You see people you know studying hours for a test while you are playing video games or other forms of procrastination and read maybe one page of the textbook. Then they become angry at you for getting a better grade.

3. You manage manage money for other people better than you manage your own.

4. Somebody calls you a jerk and you think it's a compliment. (You're A Jerk - New Boyz totally applies)

5. You actually do have a heart. It just has magical powers of invisibility.

6. Your teacher tells you you did a good job BSing your way through your last test.

7. Your music library consists of country, rap, opera, indie, movie soundtracks, pop and bagpipes

8. You will be incredibly loyal in a relationship, but when treated badly, even unconsciously, you're gone in the blink of an eye, leaving the people around you to wonder 'what happened?'

9. You have a low boredom threshold.

10. You just move on quickly in general.

11. You have little respect for rules that fail to serve a useful purpose.

12. You are always searching for logical meaning.

13. You try to help someone when they just want you to listen.

14. You tend to be narcissistic.

15. You get kicks from seeing people's reactions.

16. You make a big deal out of nothing for entertainment purposes.

17. Your constant pointing out the truth tends to hurt people that can't accept the truth.

18. You've been told you're cold by somebody you've been loyal to for ages, hence leaving you in amazement at the ignorance of society.

19. You think you can be everywhere at the same time.

20. You prefer arguing about things you don't know, only to test your intuition and sharpen your ego.

21. You think the work of infamous criminals is interesting/cool.

22. You really really don't like stupid people.

23. You really really don't like stupid people who think they're not stupid.

24. You often have 50+ tabs open in Firefox (sometimes even 100+). Or when you leave a tab open with the intent to read it later, have it opened for days, only to give up after a week or so, after admitting to yourself you'll never actually get around to read it.

25. You spend more than five minutes in a room, you develop several plans in case you're attacked in the room and at least one involves you fighting ninjas. Your friends ask you what you're thinking, you tell them and their response is WTH !?

26. You see things that others don't.

27. You set yourself a really exciting and inspired goal, and the next day you've totally forgotten and/or lost interest, and you don't care.

28. You have actually given serious thought to which type would make a good partner in world domination, and you have strong beliefs on the topic.

29. People start telling you that events begin a half hour to an hour earlier than they actually do in order to get you to arrive on time.

30. You spend four hours researching and learning about completely random topics instead of revising for your exams!

31. When you... Sorry, I decided to go do something else mid-sentence.

32. You are good at analysis.

33. You are known for your quest of the novel and complex.

34. Smaller issues irritate you but you regard larger issues as a challenge to overcome.

35. You like who you are, and you appreciate individualism.

36. You are regarded as the 'lawyer' type as you are quick to understand and analyze a situation for what it really is.

37. You enjoy playing devil's advocate.

38. You are known to cut corners and think nothing of it.

39. You admire talented people over the hardworking.

40. You tend to have excellent communication skills.

41. You have many ENFP friends and you spend most of your time with them.

42. You have close ISTJ friends yet their exceptionally overcritical attitude tends to irritate you.

43. You know people who will do anything to prove you wrong. Even argue that you're wrong, when they know you're right.

♥

We are young.

We are strong.

We're not looking for where we belong.

We are free and we're running with blood on our knees.

Mika.

 'i'm a wind up toy in an up-down world'

Wild, spontaneous, unpredictable, mysterious, possible fence hopper, multi-racial could it get any better? Furthermore, he has slight OCD, is innovative and sings with a high falsetto. Many may be thinking Michael Jackson at this point, however, the similarities end there. Mika's style is completely his own and makes me think of bubblegum. An abstract fusion of pink, blue, orange, clashing colours that brighten up the growing world of Mika-ness. Shallow it may seem, but his lyrics have hidden depth. They are the perfect way to convey deep messages in a light hearted manner. In Big Girls You Are Beautiful he disagrees with the media promoted general consensus that one must be skinny to be pretty. Blame It On The Girls addresses the issue of those privileged humans, wallowing in self pity over incessant petty issues when others out there are lacking so much more. Grace Kelly, a bubbly yet mocking song taunting the musical industry about their attempts to mold him into what 'they wanted him to be.'
Within the lines, 'I could be brown, I could be blue, I could be violet sky. I could be hurtful, I could be purple, I could be anything you like!' he appears to be light hearted, though really, beneath those seemingly nonsensical shallow words, he's taunting those he tried to force him away from being true to himself.

Should I bend over, should I look older, just to be put on your shelf? An evident example of his euphemistic attack on the stereotypical music industry.

However, though most of his songs do have hidden meanings, stemmed from a part of his subconscious, addressing issues that are on his mind, some are purely light hearted - nothing wrong with that though, is there? One does not need to be depressed to be classified as deep, and light-heartedness is not synonymous with being shallow.

Below is my current favourite Mika song; Toy Boy. The melody and words are definitely ones to be stuck in your head. :)

A Post by the Spawn of Satan

You know what. Let me clear something up with you. I'm not evil. I'm not mean, I'm not sinister. I'm not cruel and I'm not cold. I get very emotionally attached and I really feel for people. In case most of you shit heads haven't realised, it's me you come for when you need a shoulder to cry on or some advice. Then you're okay, you leave and while you're gone you forget about everything I did for you.

I CAN be cold, I CAN be cruel, I CAN be sinister and do you want to know why that is? It's because of YOU. Yes, you. This is the way you all left me. 'I'm not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory, no happy ending.' I'm completely on my own. All of you are too, but I know it. I've accepted it. I think realistically and deeply. My walls of cruelty were only built up after experiencing so much hurt in my life from those I let into my little bubble and ever since, I've had trust issues. I can't get close to anyone I spend time with or who cares. Those I open up to, don't give a shit. And the very few who care, I don't open up to because at the end of the day, everyone leaves and I'm sick of losing friendships so I feel that it's better to refrain from them altogether. I like happy people, I like being random, I like drama and I like fun. I also like deep thing. But I can't stand horror movies or serial killers, surprise you? Thought I was gonna turn out to be one, huh? ^^

I just had to unload. I'm sick of my stereotype. I'd play the misunderstood card, but it's so cliche and I dislike cliche. :) I'm not going to lie to your face and tell you I love you, like the best friend you spend 24 hours with but goes home and throws darts at the voodoo doll she has of you next to her bed. I don't do things like that.
I know a lot of the fear people have of me is through respect and that, of course, I am going to maintain. But realise, I have emotions. I have so many emotions, I'd be depressed if I expressed them to you. I get hurt by the smallest of things and realise, I analyse everything. The way in which you move, the way in which you talk, the tone which you use, so don't think that I can't see what you're doing - just because I don't say anything. I'm just going to endure this and when my time is up, run far far away.

An Angel's Cries, Seem Mute to the World.

My attempt at eco-poetry.

 

I watch my flowers wilting
In the dusty autumn breeze
An angel crying softly
Her cries seem to never cease

She once cried of joy and laughter,
She cried of peace and love
Peace was never meant to meet us
Love trapped in the skies above

Her tears of joy transformed to sorrow
Accompanied by a storm of grief
Our greedy human nature proved
Unworthy of a single leaf

Beneath floods of self-indulgence
Her soft weeping has been muffled
What became a human civil war was
Born of no more than a scuffle

We tear ourselves apart
It seems almost a modern art
Destroying, primarily the poor
Shoving them down, into a sewer
While the privileged wallow in gluttony
The majority does not reap, they sow

As we oppress our own kind,
We destroy the world around
Sucking dry the Earth of what it provides,
Depriving us of what lays our ground

Children of consequence shall suffer
For them it is too late,
If we don’t act at this very moment
We will have permanently sealed their fate
In the blink of an eye.

Take me as I am.

What you see, is what you get.

Soft lips intertwined in a flood of intimacy

His hands on an adventure,

his crave for the untouched exceeding control.

Passion engulfs him,

urging him to press on,

press on and continue his mission

of venturing shores unknown.

Lingering on soft skin,

caressing, diving, exploring every curve

My dominant demeanor,

submissive in our little game.
Fingers run gently, stroking her hips,
inching lower with each shiver
His thirsty disposition craving blood

as he rises, he sinks his teeth,

once and for all, into her neck.

Yet,

Thirst, unquenchable.

Desire, overwhelming.

My strange, strange harlequin, he whispers

your sinister masquerade

cannot fool me.
 

And with these few words,

The game you play,

in which you are in control
Has reached its conclusion.

No longer, am I merely a pawn,

an object of your entertainment.
 

Approaching the final conquest,

He enters the forbidden sanctuary

Slowly submerging into pure bliss.

A fragile body falls limp in his arms,

words failing both

The moonlit sky with its romantic sensuality,

long forgotten in those moments of ecstasy.
 

I want you to love me. 

I want you to love me, as hard as you can.

Audience Of One: Rise Against

I can still remember
The words and what they meant
As we etched them with our fingers
In years of wet cement
The days blurred into each other
Though everything seemed clear
We cruised along at half speed
But then we shifted gears

We ran like vampires from a thousand burning suns
But even then we should have stayed
But we ran away
Now many of my friends are gone
Maybe we've outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone?

Identities assume us
As nine and five add up
Synchronizing watches
To the seconds that we lost
I looked up and saw you
I know that you saw me
We froze but for a moment
In empathy

I brought down the sky for you but all you did was shrug
You gave my emptiness away

But you ran away
Now all my friends gone
Maybe we’ve outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone?

We're all okay, until the day we’re not
The surface shines, while the inside rots
We raced the sunset and we almost won
We slammed the brakes, but the wheels went on

We ran away
Now all my friends gone
Maybe we've outgrown all the things that we once loved
Runaway
But what are we running from?
A show of hands from those in this audience of one
Where have they gone?

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.
- Ernest Hemingway, author and journalist, Nobel laureate (1899-1961)

I came across this article, written about negative correlation between happiness and IQ.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/8778/Why-Intelligent-People-Tend-To-Be-Unhappy
Although I do realise that this may be true, I disagree with the general consensus that this lack of happiness is stimulated by social exclusion. I am considered naturally intelligent - not one of those ones who slave away, I am exceptionally socially active yet I too, am often unhappy. Below I have gathered the opinions of a diversity of people who have attempted to explain this confusing phenomena.

1) Are intelligent people less happy?
Intelligent people, I have found are typically less happy. The reason for this is simple; they are better able to rationalize their delusions. The ability to stomach truth has little to do with intelligence - nothing in fact. The intellect is far better at arguing away truths than at finding them. I'm not saying intelligent people are sad, I'm just saying it takes a lot more effort to prove happiness to them and they are greater at seeing the delusions of fake happiness hence their disposition of being less content.

2) Are intelligent people less happy?
Ignorance is bliss.

3) Are intelligent people less happy?
Maybe it's not intelligence that makes people happy or unhappy as it is perception. The different ways people perceive the world, themselves, and others are the determining factors in their happiness.

4) Are intelligent people less happy?
I would argue that (academically) intelligent people are not unhappy because they are able to "rationalize their delusions". They are likely unhappy because of the higher expectations for success placed on persons perceived to possess superior thinking skills. For example, consider a child who is a math prodigy at a very young age, but later, does not grow up to exceed the achievements of great mathematicians such as Einstein. The failure to live up to this very high and (perhaps unreasonable) expectation - something which persons of lesser mathematical ability would likely not entertain--might lead to unhappiness.

5) Are intelligent people less happy?
You need intelligence to find the truth and ignorance to believe in it - in the quest for the truth, the intelligent look perennially dissatisfied even while they are actually satisfying themselves at every step of uncovering and discovering the unending myths.

Personal Opinion;
In my opinion, happiness is dependent on the personality and surrounding environment - not directly on one's intelligence. However intelligence tends to influence the personality and surrounding environment hence having an indirect effect on the individual's happiness. I believe that intelligent people often see the realities that lie within this world. They are able to suss out ulterior motives, and possess the intuition to know and understand more than meets the eye. The truth is often ugly, and these intelligent individuals cannot help but see the truth at every corner. They say ignorance is bliss and it truly is. The more you know, the more you understand about this cruel world and the less happy you are prone to be. Unless, of course, you are one of those incredibly strong individuals who seek to solve each problem, and will continue to resolve the issues that surface. Unfortunately, where I'm from these types of individuals are not appreciated. Ignorance is key and stupidity is valued. Everybody's cool with the  'I don't care, because I don't understand.'

Lollipop Luxury: Jeffree Star

Not for the narrow minded.

Paradigm Shift.

What is a memory? Memory may be defined as “the power of retaining and recalling past experiences”. A memory is the powerful delve into the back of ones mind, the segment of ones mind where all experiences – negative and positive accumulate. Ones memory is the re-experiencing of the experience itself, complimented by the emotion one felt during the time of this experience. I have been asked to describe my ‘best memory’, an impossible task if taken literally due to the diversity of definitions for the word ‘best’. I, therefore, will commence a description of the memory I can recall most effectively. Unfortunately this memory is not a positive one, although the consequences of this memory have been life altering. The memory is a description of when I first found out about my mother’s cancer.

It was late December, the frosty snow and chilly atmosphere a never-ending cloud looming upon the community of North West London. I was sitting by the fire place watching TV as usual when my mother walks in, a blank expression plastered on her usually overly-expressive face. Immediately interpreting this expression as an indicator of something negative I get up and turn towards her. Her facial tension relaxes and she calmly conveys the not so surprising news that she would remain in England for a month longer to check for a possible recurrence of endometriosis, a sickness that had originally prevented her from having children. I, the naïve child of a mere 8, accepted and absorbed the information and returned to my chair.
My dad, my brother and I have returned to Sri Lanka and school has begun. The 25th of January, the date my mother had promised to return was soon approaching. I’m sitting in the Family Room with my brother watching my dad’s car return from work. Silently we wait till he crosses the garden, climbs the stairs and enters the family room. Our suspicions were confirmed, our mother would not be returning until March. March becomes April, April becomes May, the damp drops of rain from the wet season soon transform into the golden petals which light the Sri Lankan sky during the dry season. Summer is drawing nearer and I still linger under the impression that my mom may have some unknown disease that made no sense to me at all. The naïve child I was had disappeared, replaced by an intriguingly misunderstood personality with the ability to analyze experiences with understanding way beyond my years. My sadness and confusion had been converted into fury, I, in my ignorance was 'clutching to the roots of wilted flowers' (Paul S).

Just another afternoon in early June, an atmosphere composed of neutrality and fake nonchalance had defined the mood of the month. Sitting alone at my Piano, I lightly flitted through Scherzo in A and The Moth, the pieces I knew to be my mother’s favourite. The phone begins to ring, the one disturbance I deemed as absolutely unappreciated. The one disturbance I despised during my time with my Piano. I jumped up and thundered towards the obnoxious object that had dared to disturb my moment of serenity and focus. I answered the phone, immediately discontinuing its ringing. It was my mother.

I don’t remember what she said to me or how she said it, but I do remember towards the end of the phone call I was sitting in a daze near the phone, the thoughts in my mind flashing and disappearing randomly. My mind, the most organized part of my life, momentarily lost order. The one expected emotion under those circumstances is sadness, however sadness I felt not. My body was overcome with anger. Anger at the fact that both my brother and father knew of my mother’s cancer yet I, for weeks, had been left in a state of blind ignorance. My anger overwhelmed my sadness and from then on, up until now, I seldom feel sad. The appropriate sadness is always replaced by anger. Throughout my development as a person the way in which I expressed my anger evolved and became less destructive. During my years of high school my fuse grew longer and longer. My fuse has now grown so long I can control almost every emotion I experience. I can force myself to feel feelings I’ve never felt and I can force myself to ignore the feelings I feel. Selective denial I call it, but denial is accompanied by negative reactions and opinions. My type of denial is merely the ability to control my mentality.

Show me what you're worth.

Dignity is the most crucial component in creating a worthy self-respecting human being. One must respect themselves, and have faith in their abilities. I consider it disgusting when the people around me feel the need to trample their dignity in order to feel accepted. Those revolting creatures I am hesitant to classify as human are so low, very soon their soles will incinerate from contact with the blazing core. Two things I despise; lack of dignity, pride or self respect and slime. When I imagine these people, I picture slime dripping from the corner of their mouths eroding lines of repulsiveness around the hole in their face. Not an exaggeration. Personally, I'd rather be an obnoxious, self-obsessed individual in comparison to a, as harsh as it may sound, following desperate walkover, or any related behaviour that lacks such dignity. In my opinion, individuals without individuality can barely be classified as human. I have no respect whatsoever for those lowlife creatures who are willing to sacrifice their dignity for pathetic factors such as the acceptance of others. The loss of pride occurs when we get caught up in trying to get others to admire, like, love or accept us. We attempt to avoid rejection at all costs. Through our sickening insecurities we try to coerce or force others into accepting us. It is this type of behaviour that immediately deteriorates from the amount of respect we receive from others. Those who live for the approval of others, might as well cease to live. If you cannot be your own person, you do not deserve to exist.

Pride itself however, is a dangerous attribute. Excessive pride has been known to hinder relationships, cause unnecessary controversy and encourage a superiority complex. It is at this point, pride starts becoming a detriment to ones emotional success. This is when one must begin to control their dignity and prevent these characteristics from developing into true self obsession. Self obsession during a casual day and place is acceptable. It can be used as humour, a conversation topic or to spice up the moment. It is when worst comes to worst, when controversies arise and friction is created that one is able to judge the true character of an individual. It is possible for one to wallow in self-obsession, yet during their moments of truth, transform into a calm - to even the point of being cold or sinister - individual. Pride is fundamental to earning respect, and I'd rather be respected than liked. Of course I'd like to liked, I am human after all. However, respect is regard to a whole new level. Respect reflects the quality of the person, while portraying their ability to remain individualistic. Self-respect determines ones place in society, those with dignity are immediately categorized above those who lack this crucial attribute; regardless of colour, ethnicity, religion, social status, wealth and education. Dignity is the true deciding factor used to categorize people in the most effective manner possible, based on their self-respect.

Dignity is the ability
to stand strong and tall
in the face of adversity
While being able
to bow to the elderly
and crawl with the children

Dignity is taking a stand
for your beliefs
without closing your mind
to another’s opinion

Dignity is being an example
by your deeds
and through your words
avoiding anger and lies

Dignity will manifest itself
in the warmth of your smile
the depth of your love
and the kindness for your fellowman

- Mychal Wynn

The Six Styles of Love

* Eros is a passionate physical and emotional love based on an appreciation of beauty, from which the modern idea of romantic love derives. Eros is known to be, as its name indicates, the most 'erotic' style of love. It includes intense sexuality and lust is a key component of eros. The attraction on which eros is based usually fades with time.

* Storge is love as friendship. It is an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship based strong companionship and shared values. Storgic lovers want their partner to be their best friend, and this friendship can survive the breakdown of the partnership.

* Ludus is love that's a game, where conquest is the goal. Ludic love offers little intimacy, however the amounts of intensity involved may vary from lover. A ludic lover makes little effort to form a longer commitment since they just enjoy the chase and the challenge. The saying, 'you want what you can't have and when you get it, you don't want it anymore' represents the ludic lover.

* Agape is dutiful, selfless love, a love of giving without asking anything in return. They view their partners as blessings and want to take care of them. It is the combination of eros and storge, a sexual type of love combined with care and friendship. Often thought to be the 'best' kind of love.

* Pragma is realistic, practical logical love. The type of love which can go out looking for a partner based on a shopping list of requirements, which can be a bit unemotional. Pragma is a combination of ludus and storge.

* Mania is an obsessive and highly volatile love. It is troubled love with dependence on the other person, great intensity and jealousy, and is accompanied by the most chemical changes in the body. Mania is the combination of ludus and eros.

The Fear: Lily Allen

I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don’t care about clever I don’t care about funny
I want loads of clothes and fuck loads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them

And I’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
'Cause everyone knows that’s how you get famous
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah I’m on to a winner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cause I’m being taken over by the fear

Life’s about film stars and less about mothers
It’s all about fast cars and cussing each other
But it doesn’t matter 'cause I’m packing plastic
and that’s what makes my life so fucking fantastic

And I am a weapon of massive consumption
It's not my fault it’s how I’m programmed to function
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah we're on to a winner

Forget about guns and forget ammunition
Cause I’m killing them all on my own little mission
Now I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner
Now everything's cool as long as I’m getting thinner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cause I’m being taken over by fear

Sacrifice.

The break of dawn calls,
resurrecting us from our vulnerable state,
Stand to! And we awake from our
sleepless slumber.
The bitter, empty night,
spent writhing in fright
rats nibbling at our skin.
The break of dawn calls,
inviting us to join our closest companion,
death.

Us demoralized creatures,
facing exploitation
blindly following the rest of the living dead,
to and beyond the incinerating fires of hell.
In monotone we trudge along,
deprived of liberty, deprived of freedom
We cannot return.

Our hopes of liberation,
a mere hallucination,
suppressed under the thick veil of deception.
Our crave for freedom infatuating,
we cannot escape.

Trapped in a game of dominoes,
one by one, we all fall down.
The lust for victory's sweet flavour,
replaced with the salty taste of tears.
Facing internal abyss, we live to exist.
Our only hope,
the hope of surviving the second,
the minute, the hour.
The price tag on our lives now worthless,
time is ticking.
We cannot flee.

The deafening silence
pierced by the sound of a bullet.
The man beside me falls to his knees
a wilted flower in the desolate autumn wind.

Ascending into heaven on his paper wings,
he falls back down
towards the blazing fires of hell.
Looking down upon his past life he wonders,
did I sacrifice my life for nothing?
His thoughts in vain he falls,
towards an eternity of torment.

I pray for a cease fire,
yet it does not come
Pride clouds the vision of our leaders
Save me from the inevitable
free me from my fate
please, I beg you.

What's love?

Personal Opinion:

'Love' is the combination of three separate factors; lust, attraction and attachment.

Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that includes the more 'thrilling' aspects of love. Lust is the aspect of love that involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. The effects of pure lust rarely last more than a few weeks or months.

Attraction is the more specific romantic desire of a certain individual. Attraction develops out of lust as commitment to an individual forms.

Due to the temporary nature of both attraction and lust, a third component must be factored in to explain long term relationships.

The final component of 'love' is attachment. Attachment is a bond that draws two individuals to each other based on care and devotion. It is is the aspect of love that includes marriage, children and further commitments.This component of love includes the realistic aspects of a long term relationship and addresses the fact that a steady relationship needs to be based on more than pure physical attraction. Factors such as similar interests, intellectual stimulation, acceptance and the ability to forgive are crucial to completing the definition of 'love' and are classified under the umbrella of 'attachment''. Often during the stage of attachment a mutual friendship forms. These many elements of attachment, in addition to lust and attraction, are the fundamental aspects of 'love'.

Then there is that typical cliché attribute of love. That something 'more', thought to be indescribable. I, however, will try my best to explain this phenomena as soon as I have felt it, sometime in the distant future - there's the pessimist in me speaking.

The Riddler

"What exists in a word, a letter, and in three; is asked too little and too much, yet is a building block of life and an enduring mystery? Give up? Why? Why is it that no one notices? No one thinks? Because nobody ever cares about the why of the matter." ~The Riddler

I love riddles. Not those common structured riddles used to quiz the natural intelligence and wit of a person, but the riddles people play with the minds of others. To me, life is a game as sinister as it may sound. Everything is expendable, except myself.
Life to me, one could say, is a game with no rules and restrictions - the sole objective is to achieve.
After reading the paragraph above, I can be rest assured that you have made an assumption on the kind of person I am. However, keep in mind the age old cliche saying: ASS-U-ME, and you'd be making an ass of you and me.
Although I have grown fond of riddles, mind games and other games of the sort, I am not particularly effective in the art of manipulation due to my open attitude. I am one to make an entrance, one to make my presence known. I do not hide in the shadows and invisbily play the role of the pupetteer. The strings I pull are known to all and often appreciated. My open nature completely contradicts the purpose of manipulation hence weakening my efficacy in this intricate art - sentence directly aimed at the many blind people I have surrounded myself with, who do not possess the power to make their own observations, go beyond or search for the hidden reality. I hope I have straightened that out in my writing, since I do not feel the need to explain myself personally to those inferior judgmental bodies.
The modern definition of manipulation has become synonymous with deception. Yes, I am controlling, loud, proud, vain and opinionated however deception is a quality I find particularly complex. I may be deceptive, however the minute my deception hinders my pride or dignity I draw the line.

Now that I have concluded a basic introduction to myself regarding this matter, I can now elaborate on my opinion of The Riddler. The Riddler, a fundamental character in Batman who plays a crucial role in the composition of the notorious Arkham Asylum, is the only fictional character I have found to be a near perfect representation of me and the philosophy which I live by.

The Riddler, a freelance criminologist turned master criminal and con artist. Respect and recongition are what propel your actions, and you feel you've been underappreciated all your life. People themselves are riddles to you, and once they're solved, they're discarded. Mind games and entrapment are your forté, and you often toy with people for fun. Your mind is your most powerful asset, yet it contributes to a massive ego and a worldview that most people are inferior to yourself--or rather, that you'd like them to see it that way. Secretly, you fear being 'figured out' by anyone else, so you compensate by making bizarre but false claims, stumping people with misdirection, and performing elaborate stunts at others' expense. In your mind, you're weeding out the mentally unworthy. Ultimately, you force people to think about everything they do and say, for there is no right answer with The Riddler.

Tears of anxiety and apprehension
filthy your face.
Thoughts of what could be,
what should be
incinerate your fruitless mind.
Analyzing, observing and
justifying your actions
are all of no avail my dear.
For there is no right,
and there is no wrong,
with the Riddler.

The paragraph above the poem wholly explains my views on life and how it should be lived. However, I hope the contradictory nature of the paragraph above has left you wondering about the truth of my entire post. Is the paragraph a lie? Or does the false truth lie within the introduction? Is the post a mere exaggeration of true aspects of my personality? Or is the entire post completely fabricated? I shall leave you to decide, since if you know me yet cannot make your own decisions, observations and conclusions, you are not worthy to be on my page.