Nightmares.

Written on the 18th of January, 2010. Much has changed since.

Our dreams, believed to be structured, figurative or literal symbolic representations of our subconscious mind are unexplainable phenomena frequently appearing in the human mind. Dreams are open to interpretation hence making their nature vivid, abstract and unclear. I however, rarely have dreams of positivity. My nights are clouded with nightmare after nightmare, loss after loss and ripping emotion after emotion. My dreams or rather nightmares trap me within the barriers of my own mind, creating a prison escapable only through waking up.

The three main concepts addressed by each and every nightmare are:

loneliness,

failure  

rejection. 

Lost in the prison,
of thought.
My mind longing to quench
its thirst to kill.
Kill the demons, 
born of my own consciousness.
Eradicate the isolation.
Overpower the failure
Rise above the rejection.
Eliminate the pain.

My nightmares of loneliness are often combined with an exhilarating sense of adventure. There is often a definite goal which I must achieve in order to wake up. However, this nightmare of sorts may transform into a dream after I have accomplished the assigned goal. I’ve crossed the border; the border that indicates the line between the familiar and the unknown, the safe and the precarious, the heartwarming and the cold. I’m in unfamiliar territory, alone within the slight protection of my own fragile skin. My heart and mind, the only dependable assets I may use to get me through this new world of isolation I have been thrust into. I am alone and I must return – yet I do not know how. My dreams of loneliness habitually take place within a parallel universe, this parallel universe often includes characters classified as fantastical or mystical; fairies, the transformers, the Men in Black or even dinosaurs.

My nightmares of failure, the dreams which trap my mind from every corner, have absolutely no escape while within the dream. The door of my prison cell has been locked and the key has been discarded. I am lost in a world of negativity with no hope of return. Nightmares of failure may only be prevented, as there is no cure.

My nightmares of rejection are regarded, even within my dreams, with my typical fake nonchalance and pride. I overlook the issue in denial and risk my happiness for the sake of my pride.

These nightmares are the cause and effect of the sudden paradigm shift that took place within my mind. My constantly developing outlook on life has been influenced by and produced these recurring nightmares. The development of the content within these nightmares and the increasing and decreasing depictions of fear and dread are based on the strength of my feelings, weight of my guilt and significance of my fear.